I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
