i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
