end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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