Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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