there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
a search helicopter?!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
