We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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