I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
