Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
