this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
