My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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