um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
