she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
