Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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