Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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