It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
