youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
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this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
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I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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