You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
