I looked at my own cervix.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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