Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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