Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
