he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
