Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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