So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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