she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
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