this boner is exhausting
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
