I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
