does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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