I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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