She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
