just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
