id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
