I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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