I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
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You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
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I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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