Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize