At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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