Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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