forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
