Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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