I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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