Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
