There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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