I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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