I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
