You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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