what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
