you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
