some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
