Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
