finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
