He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
