Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
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