Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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