wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
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WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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