wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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