at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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