Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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