I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
