cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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