do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
