Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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