Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
