Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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