i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
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Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
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So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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