So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
