I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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