i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I deserve this hangover.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
