I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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